Emotional Intimacy: Why It’s A Game Changer


When it comes to connecting with your spouse on a deeper level, sexual intimacy isn’t enough. You need to foster emotional intimacy as well. This means being able to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your spouse in a safe and supportive environment.


By strengthening your emotional intimacy, you will deepen the connection with your spouse and reignite the passion in your relationship over and over again. If you’re not sure what emotional intimacy is or need tips on how you can create emotional intimacy in your relationship, we’ve got you covered.


The Different Forms Of Intimacy

When it comes to intimacy in a relationship, it can come in many different forms. There’s sexual intimacy, which is typically what comes to mind first. But there are a few other forms of intimacy that you can use to connect more intimately with your partner, this includes:


Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the ability to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your significant other without feeling judged or attacked. It’s about being vulnerable and opening up to your spouse in order to create a closer bond. When you have strong emotional intimacy, it makes it easy and comfortable to be seen and understood by your partner, regardless of the situation. This means that you don’t feel the need to hold back or hide your feelings from them.


Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy is when you and your spouse share ideas and thoughts with each other. It’s about exchanging information and discussing different topics, ranging from current events to personal experiences. This type of intimacy can help you learn more about your spouse and see the world through their eyes. However, when you have strong intellectual intimacy, each person has the right to believe in their own opinions and freely think for themselves, instead of always agreeing with the other person.


Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is the ability to share your spiritual beliefs with your spouse. It can involve prayer, reading the bible, and engaging in joint projects with others of like-minded faith. This type of intimacy can help you learn more about each other and strengthen your bond because you have a shared passion. By engaging in spiritual intimacy, you’re able to connect on a deeper level and share your most inner thoughts and feelings.


Experiential Intimacy

Having shared experiences is another form of intimacy. This could be anything from going on vacation together to cooking a meal for each other. When you share experiences with your spouse, it creates lasting memories and helps you feel closer to them through the multiple senses. In addition, moving towards a common goal and learning teamwork helps create a bond otherwise known as experiential intimacy.


Why Does Emotional Intimacy Need To Come First?

While all forms of intimacy are necessary, emotional intimacy is key to a healthy and strong relationship. It’s what allows you to connect with your spouse on a deeper level, and it’s essential for reigniting the passion that may have faded over time. In addition, when you have emotional intimacy, you’re able to be yourself around your spouse and share your thoughts and feelings, which creates a stronger physical intimacy.


Examples of emotional intimacy may include:

  • A woman is sharing about a stressful day at work with her partner and talking through all the thoughts and emotions she experienced. Her partner actively listens and asks questions to help her work through the experience and help process her feelings.
  • A couple has a decision to make on where they spend time this Easter. They are divided on their opinions. Both sides allow each other to speak their mind, with the other listening and trying to gather their partner’s perspective. Instead of each one trying to get their own way, they try to come to a compromise and move forward in their relationship.
  • A couple is going on a date night and talking about their favourite memories from when they first started dating. They are sharing laughs and smiles as they reminisce about the good times.
  • One partner shares their experiences as a child with their significant other. The listening partner is asking questions and allowing the sharing partner to open up more, and allowing them to work through whatever emotions this brings up.


Emotional intimacy can be cultivated in many ways, but both partners must be willing to put in the effort. If you’re struggling to connect emotionally with your spouse, there are some exercises you can try, such as writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal or sharing your dreams and aspirations with each other. The most important thing is to be authentic, honest, and vulnerable with your spouse. They should be the one person you can rely on to support you through anything.


How to Increase Emotional Intimacy

There are a few things you can do to help increase emotional intimacy in your marriage.


Focus On Listening To Your Partner

One of the best ways to build intimacy is to focus on listening to your partner. This means being present when they’re talking, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Active listening also involves paraphrasing what your partner has said to ensure you understand their point of view. Not only will this make them feel heard and understood, but it will also help you get to know them better.


When you’re working on active listening, you want to focus on the words they’re saying, not just formulating a response in your head or waiting to talk about something that’s on your mind. This takes practice, but it’s worth the effort.


Reach Outside Your Comfort Zone

If you want to increase emotional intimacy in your marriage, you’ll need to reach outside your comfort zone. This means being willing to share things that may be difficult or uncomfortable for you. It also requires being open and vulnerable with your spouse, which can be scary but is ultimately rewarding.


When you share personal information with your spouse, you’re creating a deeper level of trust and intimacy. It can be helpful to start with small things and work your way up to more complex topics. This will help you feel more comfortable opening up in the future.


Work On Solving Difficult Feelings Together

If you and your spouse struggle to resolve complicated feelings, it’s essential to work on them together. This can be a challenging process because it requires patience and sometimes some space alone to gather your thoughts, but it’s worth the effort. you can learn how to communicate and deal with complicated feelings with your spouse effectively.


When you’re able to resolve difficult feelings together, it builds trust and strengthens the bond between you. It also helps you develop a better understanding of each other, which can be helpful in times of conflict.


Focus On Communication

Good communication is essential for a healthy marriage. When you and your spouse are able to communicate effectively, it helps build intimacy and strengthens the bond between you.


Communication involves listening attentively, expressing yourself clearly, and respecting your partner’s point of view. It’s also essential to be willing to compromise. If you don’t have communication or feel like you can truly express how you’re feeling, it will be challenging to cultivate intimacy in your marriage. So instead, create an environment where you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, good and bad, openly and freely.


Spend Time Together Without Distractions

It’s essential to make time for each other and focus on your relationship. One way to do this is by spending time together without distractions. This may mean turning off your phones, laptops, and TVs and simply talking or spending time together.


When you can focus on your spouse without any distractions, it helps build intimacy. It also allows you to connect on a deeper level, which can be beneficial for your relationship.


Be Supportive And Offer Advice When Warranted

One of the best things you can do for your spouse is to be supportive. This means being there for them when they need you, both emotionally and physically. It also includes offering advice when warranted.

When your spouse knows that they can count on you, it builds trust and intimacy. It also makes them feel loved and appreciated.


Take Your Time Building Trust

Building trust is essential for a healthy relationship. It can take time to build, but it’s well worth the effort. Trust involves being able to rely on your spouse and feeling safe and secure with them. It’s also essential to be able to share your thoughts and feelings openly without fear of judgment.


Be Patient

Intimacy doesn’t happen overnight but it really is a game-changer. It takes time and effort to cultivate emotional intimacy in your relationship. This means being patient and taking things slow.


If you try to force intimacy or rush things, it can actually have the opposite effect. So instead, take things one step at a time and allow yourselves to grow in this area. The more time you spend together and the more you share with each other, the closer you’ll become. And that’s when real emotional intimacy will develop.


Building a strong relationship that is connected emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually will keep you loving your partner for a lifetime and help you to continue to flourish in your relationship.


Download Unbreakable Lovers 7 Day Guide To A More Passionate Love

If you’re looking to reignite the passion in your relationship and increase emotional intimacy, then we highly recommend checking out our free 7-day guide. It’s a step-by-step plan that will help you build a stronger foundation in your relationship and help create lasting intimacy. Build a stronger, more passionate relationship today!

About the Author

Fiona Leeworthy

Fiona is a Counsellor & Family Therapist (MCouns, GradDip Psycho, AdvDipFamTherapy and her husband Rick is a businessman, speaker and mentor. Together they share a passion to help couples build strong & healthy relationships in the midst of a busy life.

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