We often hear “opposites attract.” What does that mean? Does it mean that we should only date people who are not like us? Or should we always be optimistic about our partner, no matter what?
When you were dating, did you ever have a moment where you thought to yourself, “This person is so different from me, but I’m attracted to them anyway?” Maybe they had a completely different taste in music, or they were spontaneous while you were more of a planner. Or perhaps they were an introvert and you were a total extrovert.
Whatever the differences were, they drew you in. You admired them and just being with them made you happy. You married, and thought you would live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, marriage isn’t always blissful. There are bound to be disagreements and arguments. It’s easy to start seeing your spouse in a negative light when you’re going through a tough time. But if you can remember what drew you to them in the first place, it will be easier to see the good in them, even when things are tough.
This post will quickly explore what it means to “believe the best” about your spouse. We’ll also look at why it’s important and how you can do it, even when things are tough.
What Does It Mean To Believe The Best About Your Spouse?
Simply put, believing the best about your spouse means giving them the benefit of the doubt. It means assuming that they are acting in a way that is consistent with their character, even if you don’t understand their actions.
For example, let’s say that your spouse comes home from work and they’re in a bad mood. You might assume that they’re behaviour is directly aimed at you. But if you stop and think about it, you know that your spouse is usually in a good mood when they come home from work.
So, instead of assuming the worst, you give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that something must have happened at work to put them in a bad mood. This doesn’t mean that you’re excusing their behaviour, but you’re giving them the benefit of the doubt and trying to understand where they’re coming from.
Why Is It Important To Believe The Best About Your Spouse?
There are a few reasons why it’s crucial to believe the best about your spouse.
- It can help you to see them in a more positive light. When you stop and think about all of the good qualities that your spouse has, there is a lot to be thankful for. Believing the best about your spouse can help you feel more connected to them and remind you of why you fell in love with them in the first place.
- It can also help to improve your communication. If you’re always assuming the worst about your spouse, it will be challenging to communicate effectively with them. Instead of trying to understand their point of view, you’ll be quick to judge and criticise them. But if you can give them the benefit of the doubt, it will be easier to listen to what they say and find common ground.
- Lastly, believing the best about your spouse can help to strengthen your marriage. When you’re constantly looking for the negative in your spouse, it affects how you treat each other. You can become disrespectful and critical. But if you focus on the good, it can help to build a stronger foundation for your marriage.
How Can You Believe The Best About Your Spouse?
It’s all about “perspective”.
Perspective means the ability to see things from another person’s point of view. It’s important to remember that everyone has a different perspective. Just because you see something one way doesn’t mean that someone else sees it the same way.
It can be helpful to try and see things from your spouse’s perspective, even when you disagree with them. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say or do, but it can help you understand where they’re coming from.
If you’re not sure how to do this, here are a few questions that you can ask yourself:
- What might be happening in their life that I’m unaware of?
- How would I feel if I were in their shoes?
- What might they be feeling right now?
Answering these questions can help you see things from their perspective and understand their actions, even when disagreeing with them.
It’s easy to get distracted by the negative. Try to focus on the positive things about your spouse. Do this by asking yourself, “what did I admire about my spouse in the past?”. Refocus on that and try to see the good in them again.
Believing the best about your spouse is essential for a solid and healthy marriage. It can help you to see them in a more positive light, improve your communication, and strengthen your bond. So, next time you’re feeling frustrated with your spouse, try to see things from their perspective and focus on the good.
And if you said something to your spouse that you shouldn’t have, ask for forgiveness. We all make mistakes, but apologising and moving on are important.
Having a positive outlook in your marriage can make all the difference. If you want to learn more about improving your marriage, check out our website for new blogs and our Marriage Playbook, where we share our best tips and advice.