As I found myself drawn to memories of fireworks & crackers as America celebrated the 4th of July, I couldn’t help thinking about many marriages today, and how those sparks that fly in the beginning of a marriage can so easy dwindle to a very dim flame.
Do you remember when you and your spouse were first dating -The first time you laid eyes on each other? What you used to do together? What you found so attractive about him/her? What you dreamed about?
When we fall in love it’s almost like we develop our own language; a shorthand for telling each other how you feel. Maybe it’s those love notes that you hid in unexpected places, or the jokes that made sense only to the two of you, or the sweet & thoughtful things that you did for each other. All of these things form the foundation of your very own love story.
Unfortunately, as time goes on you stop doing those adorable things that you did during those special dating years because you’ve won your partner’s heart, promised to love each other forever, and now isn’t it time to relax???
Well, yes! If you want the spark in your marriage to slowly fizzle out. Yes! If you want to wake up one day and find that the person you fell in love with isn’t anything like the person that they were.
I love this text from an unknown author called the Marriage Box…
“Most people get married believing a myth. They believe that marriage is a beautiful box full of things they have longed for… companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc.
The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out.
There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage.
A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty”.
So, if things are a little stale in your marriage and the fire has all but gone out, try bringing back the person your partner fell in love with. Chances are you could both use the reminder of what made you want to spend your lives together in the first place.
Here are just a few ideas to revive the spark in your marriage:
• Tell your partner exactly what you love about them
• Brag about your partner in front of them
• Look for practical ways to make your partner feel No. 1 in the marriage
• Magnify the positives and not the negatives – what you magnify will grow
• Be affectionate towards your wife, it symbolizes love, security, protection and comfort
• Respect your husband – it’s like oxygen to him
• Plan romantic getaways (they don’t have to be expensive)
• Ask your spouse, ‘what can I do for you today?’ every single day
• Don’t neglect physical intimacy, it’s crucial to the health of your marriage
• Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
Look for ways to celebrate your love in different ways as you take responsibility for how you show up in the marriage, how you navigate your feelings, and how you demonstrate the beautiful gift of giving that was so evident when you first began.