Marriage Intimacy: How To Get It Back

Marriage Intimacy

The intimacy between a husband and wife is something that can be lost over time if you don’t work to maintain it. It’s essential for couples to spend time together, talk about their feelings, show affection, and share their love. Without these things, complacency will start to set in over time, and your relationship will begin to feel more like roommates living under the same roof than spouses in an intimate relationship.


Of course, this isn’t the way that any successful marriage will thrive, which is why it’s essential to start focusing more on rebuilding marriage intimacy. If you’re feeling like your intimacy has faded and you want to get it back, here are some tips to help you out.


What Is Marriage Intimacy And What Causes It To Disappear?

Intimacy in marriage is generally described as the emotional and physical connection between a husband and wife. It’s what makes them feel close to one another and it allows them to share their love freely, which creates a strong bond that can withstand anything.


When intimacy starts to disappear in a marriage, it’s usually due to a combination of reasons. For example, one of the spouses may feel neglected, they may not be communicating well, or they may have simply grown apart. Whatever the reason, it’s important to address it head-on if you want to fix the problem and rebuild intimacy in your marriage.


How Can You Rebuild Marriage Intimacy?

Rebuilding marriage intimacy takes work, but it’s definitely worth it in the end. Here are some things you can do to start strengthening your relationship today.


Understand Your Partner’s Love Language

Everyone expresses love differently, and it’s essential to understand how your spouse feels loved in order to reconnect with them. For example, some people feel loved when receiving gifts, others feel loved when they’re given compliments, and others need physical touch. The five love languages, according to Dr Chapman, includes:


Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation refer to compliments, telling your spouse that you’re proud of them, and expressing your love for them in other ways using words. Those who have this as their love language need to have verbal affirmation regularly, so make sure to let them know how much you care and what they mean to you on a regular basis.



Quality time

Quality time is all about being together and focusing on each other. It’s one that is common and can build intimacy in your marriage fast. This could mean taking a walk, cooking a meal together, or just sitting down and talking. Those who have quality time as their love language need undivided attention from their spouse, so make sure to set aside some time each day to spend with them. Thankfully, the activity doesn’t matter as much as it matters that you carve out the space to hang out with this person.


Physical touch

Physical touch is one of the most basic ways to show someone that you love them. This could include hugs, kisses, or just simply patting them on the back as you walk by. Those who have physical touch as their love language need regular contact in order to feel loved and connected. If you want to make them feel special, try holding their hand, massaging their back, or giving them a hug when they’re feeling down. Physical touch will make you feel connected to your partner strengthening intimacy in your marriage.


Acts of service

For those who have acts of service as their love language, doing things for their spouse is the way to show them you care. This could include taking the trash out, doing the dishes, or folding laundry. It’s not about the size or expense of the gesture, it’s more about the thoughtfulness behind it.


Receiving gifts

Receiving gifts isn’t the most common love language, but it does exist. Gifts could be anything from a heartfelt card to something more extravagant like an expensive piece of jewellery. If your spouse love language gifts, make sure to pay attention to what they might want or need and try to surprise them with something nice every once in a while.


By understanding your partner’s love language, you can build the kind of intimacy in your marriage that will last because you’re regularly contributing to how they feel loved.


Make Time For Communication

In order to rebuild intimacy in your marriage, you need to be able to communicate effectively. This means talking openly and honestly about your feelings, needs, and wants. It can be challenging to do this when things are tough, but it’s essential if you’re going to make progress.


If you’re not good communicators and you’re not sure how to improve, try to make a habit of setting aside time together daily just to talk about the events of your day. Show interest as you listen to each other. As you develop a habit of communicating about the small details it will become easier when there are more difficult topics to discuss. Don’t be afraid to get help from a counsellor if needed. They can provide unbiased support and guidance as you work through your deeper issues.


Communication is critical in everyday relationships, but it’s especially important in a marriage because it deepens the intimacy that is so necessary. By taking the time to talk openly with your spouse, you’re able to rebuild the intimacy that may have been lost.


Regularly Creating “Fun” Within The Relationship

When’s the last time you had some fun with your spouse? If it’s been a while, it might be time to add some more fun to your marriage. This could mean anything from watching a movie together to going out on a date night.


The important thing is to make sure that you’re both enjoying yourselves. If your partner doesn’t feel like doing what you like, be flexible and try to be understanding and go with the flow. After all, the goal is to have fun together and feel the intimacy that comes from it.


By regularly creating “fun” in your marriage, you’re able to strengthen your bond and recapture some of the happiness that may have been lost. While this will take planning and openness on both parts, it is well worth the effort.


Being Open About Upsetting Situations

No one is perfect, and sometimes things happen that upset us. When this happens, it’s important to be open and honest about our feelings with our spouse and not avoid those issues. This could include anything from getting mad about a small thing to feeling overwhelmed by a significant problem.


By being open, we’re allowing our spouses to understand us better and offer support. It can be challenging to do this, but it’s crucial for maintaining a healthy marriage that is real and supportive. If you’re struggling to open up, try writing out what happened and why it upset you. This can be a good starting point for discussing it with your spouse.


By being open and honest about our feelings, we’re able to maintain a healthy and intimate marriage. Of course, situations will inevitably come up that upset us, but it’s how we deal with them that counts.


Foster Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is critical in any relationship, and it’s especially important in a marriage. This means being able to share our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with our spouse in a safe and supportive environment.


If you’re not sure how to foster emotional intimacy, start by talking about your day-to-day activities. This can give you a good idea of what’s going on in each other’s lives and help you connect on a deeper level. You can also try sharing your thoughts and feelings about important topics, such as your relationship or family life.


By fostering emotional intimacy, you’re able to deepen the connection you have with your spouse. This can be a powerful force for rebuilding intimacy in a marriage.


Focus On Affectionate Touch

When it comes to intimacy, physical touch can be just as important as emotional connection. This means being affectionate with your spouse, whether it’s a hug, kiss, or cuddle.


If you’re not sure how to start, try setting aside time each day for physical touch. This could be as simple as holding hands. You’re showing your spouse that you want to be close to them by holding hands. It can also help ease tension and create a sense of intimacy. If you’re not used to holding hands or don’t enjoy it, you could instead focus on cuddling, touching their hair, kissing, or any other type of affection that feels natural for you and your spouse.


By focusing on affectionate touch, you’re able to strengthen the bond between you and your spouse. This can help rebuild intimacy in a marriage that’s been lost.


Grow Your Marriage Intimacy With Our Bringing Sexy Back Course

If you’re unsure how to rekindle the intimacy in your marriage, our Bringing Sexy Back Course at Unbreakable Love can help. This program is designed to help couples reignite the passion and emotional connection they once shared. With interactive exercises, helpful tips, and private coaching from our team of experts, you’ll have everything you need to start strengthening your relationship again.


To learn more about our Bringing Sexy Back course and how it can help you and your spouse, click here.

About the Author

Fiona Leeworthy

Fiona is a Counsellor & Family Therapist (MCouns, GradDip Psycho, AdvDipFamTherapy and her husband Rick is a businessman, speaker and mentor. Together they share a passion to help couples build strong & healthy relationships in the midst of a busy life.

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